Zeref and the Porcelain Angel
by yamaihime
Summary: A dark figure watches from the cheering stadium as one Fire Dragon Slayer becomes drunk on his victory. But what grabs the figure's attention is not the young dragon slayer, but a porcelain white beauty lying in the stadium rubble, gleaming white like a burning sun. Pure and utter crack.


**Full Summary: **A dark figure watches from the cheering stadium as one Fire Dragon Slayer becomes drunk on his victory. But what grabs the figure's attention is not the young dragon slayer, but a porcelain white beauty lying in the stadium rubble, gleaming white like a burning sun - pure and utter crack.

**Pairings:** Zeto

**Rating:** PG (K+)

**Warnings:** Pure, unadultered, crack, nothing more, nothing less. Oh and a bit of RoYu if you squint.

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**. . .**

**Zeref and the Porcelain Angel**

**. . .**

A dark hooded figure watched from the outer rim of the stadium as one Fire Dragon Slayer swept the stadium in flames. A tear trickled down the figure's cheek, glistening in the flame's bright glow. The Dragon Slayer, the one they called Natsu Dragneel, the one who was thought to have perished on Tenrou Island after a merciless onslaught from a black dragon who had disappeared for 7 years, had returned. And not only that. He had demolished a large chunk of the Stadium wall, on the West Wing that once held the men's lavatory.

Slowly, the hooded figure, the one they called Zeref, but knew not of his aching heart and inner turmoil to be free of the burdens of this world, looked up. As Zeref watched on, officials swarmed the rubble, trying to isolate those the great Fire Dragon had felled. Apart from one lone, squat and short figure who, with a cry of "Men~~~" was hoisted out of the rubble, there Zeref saw it. Glistening white and pure amidst the wreckage, glowing ever brighter with the dying flames, was the most beautiful creation of man he had ever seen.

A perfect, white loo. Untouched by the dirt and soot that littered the air, undamaged from the powerful onslaught that crumbled the walls around it, it stood. Pristine and pure. Zeref felt the tears come down harder now, wetting his collar and part of his hood. "I have found you", Zeref whispered.

As Zeref watched on, one of the officials moving through the rubble of the Stadium's West Wing happened upon the pristine white angel that had captivated Zeref's mind and heart. As Zeref hiccuped back tears, the official lifted the thing and moved it to the side of the debris circle, where a crying Ichiya held on to his disiciples with manly tears of "Men~~~" to overcome his shock at being blasted of his toilet, literally, and to stifle his distress over the loss of privacy of gentlemen such as himself nowadays in the lavatory, what with hot young blood of the fancy youths going around demolishing said lavatories with their intense powers of youth and Nakama.

Zeref's eyes were glued to the white loo that the official carried with great difficulty out of the rubble. Before he could stop himself, Zeref heard himself say: "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er thought I'd be happy to see Natsu destroy things left and right!". He wiped his tears hastily and made to follow the white angel and where ever it may go, that is, before he saw a Hooded Figure with an Army Guerilla scarf glaring at him. Zeref hid his face in his hood and went to the direction of the West Wing, however the masked fellow was following him. Zeref's mind was working furiously, until an astonishing revelation hit him: "Perhaps he is going where I am to see my white angel and claim her for himself".

Zeref's eyes bled red.

. . .

Zeref hurried down the Stadium steps, past the milling crowd and the cheering, past the various merchants and food vendors, all the while seething with rage. He did not care for the people in the audience, he did not care for the guilds and their various masters, he did not care for the tournament officials or the insipid mages who partook in this ridiculous excuse of a magical farce. All he wanted to do was see his bright angel, who was probably being carried out of the Stadium and away from him.

Zeref's blood boiled however. Of course, a beautiful creature such as she would have many admirers but this was getting tiresome. The masked man had not stopped following him. Zeref was sure that this man, unworthy as he was to marvel at her beauty let alone be in her presence, was using him, the Black Wizard, to find her. Zeref passed by a few officials wheeling in the injured from the battle. Too preoccupied in his thoughts, he missed the blushing glance of adoration and concern shining on the face of one female official with short cropped white hair, as she tended to the wounds of the dark haired Dragon Slayer. Zeref did not care for such petty happenings. He had to get to his white angel soon before she was taken away from him and before this hooded man dared invade his privacy with her.

Zeref made a sharp turn and disappeared into the shadows, tired of playing cat and mouse with this stranger. He reappeared again beside one of the pillars, this time near the East Side corridor of the Stadium. He had lost the man for now but he must concentrate on finding the object of his affections. He peered past the window openings of the East Wing and lo, there she was, being carted at the back of a carriage, along with other rubble. With a flap of his hooded cloak, Zeref glided silently behind the carriage. "Soon you and I will be together" he thought.

. . .

**~~Epilogue~~**

Meredy looked on in disbelief. She resharpened the focus of her magic binoculars again. There he was. A hooded bat like figure, gliding silently above a carriage carrying rubble from the recent battle. On top of this carriage that gleamed bright like a second sun was a pristine white loo and the bat like creature seemed to be circling it.

"Uhh Ultear? It seems the target is giving chase to something of intense interest to him". Ultear looked away from the Stadium arena and focused on what Meredy was looking at. She narrowed her eyes. "Let's give chase then".

. . .

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**Author's End Note: **One day, a person on a forum I go on uploaded a fanart where Zeref was hugging a toilet. And thus, this fic was born! Once again, it's utter crack ~~ if you take it seriously, you should seriously lighten up :3

Until next time ~~


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